fear and loathing in my inbox

i’ve somehow made it onto my grandpa’s email list. a few excerpts (without edits–italics are mine):

THIS MUSLIM ALIEN (Obama) HAS AN AGENDA THAT IS ENTIRELY UNPALATABLE AND I AM THOROUGHLY CONCERN THAT THE MASS MEDIA ARE PERPETUALLY COW-TOWING TO THIS UNABASHED KENYAN MESSIAH.

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Subject: The Patriot Microchip

The PATRIOT MICRO CHIP is intended to be implanted in terrorists. The implant is specifically designed to be installed in the forehead. When properly installed it will allow the implantee to speak to God.

It comes in various sizes:

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this stuff scares me. i understand thoughtful dissent and sincere concern for the direction of the country, but i don’t really see these sorts of messages presenting any solutions beyond shouting “you’re wrong and i’m right!” (at best) or raw violence (at worst). i also don’t see any substantial reasoning to any of it. no logic, no research–just sheer emotion and fear.

i get fundamental differences in philosophy. i get how a small-government Republican who believes every person (rather than society as a whole) is responsible for their own well-being would think that the economic stimulus package going through Congress right now is completely misguided. and i get how a true-blue liberal who believes in creating opportunities for all people would have problems understanding why CEOs are compensated hundreds of millions of dollars when there are homeless people wandering the sidewalks outside the buildings where they work.

what i don’t get is the complete refusal of those on both ends of the spectrum to have a conversation. not an argument on CNN, but a discussion where each side hears out the experiences of the other. because that’s all our beliefs are–values shaped by how we’ve experienced the world. when you start to see people as a product of their experiences, you begin to see that there is no “wrong” or “right;” that there are simply different knowledge pools, more or less access to information, and more or less contact with people of different experiences.

i can’t get mad at a kid in Rock River, Wyoming for calling me a dyke when his only experiences of gay people has been what he’s seen on tv and what his homophobic father taught him. and i can’t get mad at a Yale student from Boston for calling a guy wearing Wranglers and a cowboy hat an ignorant redneck when that student’s only experience of cowboys has been what he’s seen on tv and what his Harvard dad taught him.

the best i can do is call people on their assumptions and snap judgments, and simply ask them, “what do you really know about that person? what do you know about what they’ve been through?”

and maybe that’s what i need to do with my grandpa’s emails. maybe i just need to ask him if he’s ever really considered where the “terrorists” are coming from. maybe i need to ask him what about Obama scares him so much.

or maybe i’m being naive (as so many people have told me many times). maybe i just need to delete the emails as soon as they come into my box and accept the fact that he’s never going to let loose his grip on what he so strongly believes is “right.”

i just wish we’d all stop and listen to each other once in awhile instead of constantly seeking out only those who agree with us and demonizing those who don’t.

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Prop 8 Protest in New Haven – Nov. 15

Lots of pics on Lauren’s blog (Part 1 and Part 2) or on Facebook (gotta login), and lots of information and photos from protests around the nation at Join the Impact.

Local coverage at the New Haven Independent (along with some stirring commentary), the Yale Daily News, the New Haven Register (with even more, uh, interesting commentary), more awesome comments at WTNH, and video coverage at WFSB.

We have a lot of work to do.

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Join the Nationwide Prop 8 Protests in New Haven and Hartford!

CONNECTICUT PROTESTS

When:
Saturday, November 15
1:30 p.m.

Where:
New Haven
City Hall
165 Church St.

Hartford
City Hall
550 Main St.

Facebook (must login)
Join the Impact
POSTERS!

Poster Painting Party!
At Our House
Friday, November 14
8 p.m.
RSVP by commenting

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proposition h8, rel8, conjug8

Brian Kinney infamously said, “there are only two kinds of straight people in the world: the ones who hate you to your face and the ones who hate you behind your back.”

(bear with me here–i’ll soon be turning a corner.)

it’s the quote that keeps popping up in my head the more same-sex marriage remains an out issue. the more i hear about the Proposition 8 protests. the more Lauren and i talk about what kind of wedding we want (a big to-do where uncomfortable family members there by obligation spend the entire ceremony squirming, or eloping so that no one–including us–has to deal with awkward feelings). and the more we think about some of our family members’ reactions to our engagement.

it’ll sound dramatic, but sometimes it just feels like the whole world is against us, even if they’re pretending not to be. to be fair, there have been some hold-the-phone-away-from-the-ear squeals (thanks, Mere) and a few tears (love you, Kari).  but usually when there is support, it is a pause and then a muster, and finally a cautious “congratulations.” and often there’s just tolerance, a measured “if that’s what makes you happy” or “are you allowed to do that?” and sometimes there’s a lot less than that.

no one knows what to do with us. not even our gay friends who sort of just nod their heads, wondering what exactly “engaged” means.

i feel like an outcast. it’s not the first time, of course. when i came out, many of my high school friends stopped calling, and much of my family kept a safe distance away until they figured out how to deal with it. but in retrospect, i’m fine with all that. these days, i keep saying over and over again that everyone in my life has had to do their own coming-out. they’ve had to sort out their feelings and rewrite parts of their rule books. many of them are still tiptoeing through minefields of Bible verses and cultural stereotypes and fears around appropriate manliness or femininity. just like i’m still dealing with my fear of going to hell or confusion around the word “choice.”

our engagement has sped up and amplified this process for all of us. it has forced us out of the comfortable static of mere tolerance that had grown up like weeds all over our lives. and i’m finally realizing that those weeds are keeping a lot of beautiful things from growing.

and as i write this, i’m starting to realize that all of this is a good thing.

i’m finally seeing that all the protests happening around the country are calls for pulling the weeds to see what else can grow. it’s not about two kinds of straight people, it’s about all of us together, part of the same process. it’s about being myself completely and without fear. it’s about discussion and listening and confronting not with hate but with compassion.

as i pull myself away from the cynicism of Brian Kinney, i come back to the same place i find myself with every issue of inequality in all forms: hate is the simple answer, the quickest, most thoughtless way to get from one place to another. the real explanation is based in a simple lack of knowledge, a misunderstanding. that misunderstanding is sometimes manifest in a hateful way (or a ballot measure), but its real base is in ignorance, willful or not.

before i came out and, later, before i announced my engagement, my friends and family were operating on the knowledge and experiences they had at hand. but then i served up a new set of facts and they served me up a new set of reactions, and it has taken all of us awhile to incorporate those facts and experiences into our lives and beliefs. but we’re slowly doing it.

i forgot to mention before that when i told my mom about my engagement, she asked how she could help with the planning. when i told my grandma, she said that she saw that Lauren and I were right from the start. ten years ago when i came out, i couldn’t have dreamed of such reactions.

that’s why we have to keep coming out. that’s why we have to protest, peacefully but forcefully. that’s why we have to hold hands on the street and keep announcing our engagement regardless of the reaction, because the process slows and eventually stops when we go into hiding. but we have to be careful to study the reactions from a loving perspective, to encourage questions and give honest answers.

we must summon the courage to be ourselves completely and honestly and let everyone around us do the same, until we are all looking each other in the eye and having the same discussion.

only then will we start to see real change.

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Countdown – Obama’s Historic Journey

(forgive me for all the misposts. i was going beta, and it wasn’t working at all. you can also watch the authorized, official version of this video here.)

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“just because he’s black”

i won’t lie. when Obama won Pennsylvania, i hollered and pumped my fist. i cried a little when they showed Jesse Jackson losing his composure. even the next day when i heard NPR say “President Elect Obama,” i got a little weepy. what can i say–the man inspires me.

unfortunately, Obama’s rise has also inspired the worst in some. months ago, during the primary, i was attacked pretty viciously for defending Obama’s association with Jeremiah Wright (just the first of the ridiculous attacks that went up and didn’t stick). and now, after the election, i’ve heard someone close to me say:

i hope all these people didn’t vote for him just because he’s black.

that’s like saying “i hope people don’t like Tiger Woods/Michael Jordan/Denzel Washington/Miles Davis just because he’s black.” to say something like that is to overlook the overwhelming talent these men (and Obama) bring to their respective profession. it is to assume that the fans of these men don’t care so much about golf or basketball or acting or jazz (or the future of their country) as they do about the color of skin.

that’s like saying, “i hope people didn’t vote for John McCain just because he’s white.”

no, the vast majority of people did not vote for Barack Obama simply because he’s black. and if some did, they did a disservice to his tremendous ideas and his knack for transcending partisan practice (be it Democrat/Republican, rich/poor, black/white, liberal/conservative). did anyone happen to notice that his ideas inspired tens of millions of people–of all races and socioeconomic backgrounds–to organize at the community level? even those who didn’t physically volunteer were compelled enough by Obama’s message to donate money to his campaign. the average gift of the $639 million he raised was less than $100. that’s over 4 million people on board.

those millions of people supported Obama for a million reasons, one of the least of which was race. in the mix of this nasty campaign, many of those thoughtful, measured reasons, some specific and some sweeping, fell by the wayside. so i’m reviving a few of them here. they come from white and black, democrat and republican, jewish, and military.

“It is my Middle Eastern hat and my attachment to Israel that ultimately inspires my support for Obama.” -Dennis Ross

“I truly believe that Barack Obama is looking for ways to bring people together in a bi-partisan way to try to solve the pressing issues America faces. I like that he has a track record of working with Republican’s in the senate to get things done including working with Tom Coburn and Richard Lugar on past legislation. I also like his recent trip to the Middle East with Chuck Hagel.” -a Republican for Obama

“I think we need a generational change. And I think Sen. Obama has captured the feelings of the young people of America and is reaching out in a more diverse, inclusive way across our society.” -General Colin Powell

“Senator Barack Obama has the qualities of integrity and honesty, judgment and vision that will earn the trust of the American people, including those in the military, and restore the bonds of trust between the president and this nation’s citizens.” -Colonel Richard L. Klass, USAF (retired)

“In addition to keen intelligence, integrity and a rare authenticity, you exhibit something that has nothing to do with age, experience, race or gender and something I don’t see in other candidates. That something is a creative imagination which, coupled with brilliance, equals wisdom.” -Toni Morrison in a letter to Obama

me, i voted for Obama because i believe in the distribution of wealth–call it socialism if you want. i believe that intelligent and thorough diplomacy should always come before aggressive action. i believe that academic intelligence is a good thing, not an elitist thing. i believe that grace and eloquence is something to be cherished, not suspicious of. i believe that admitting that you don’t know something is the first sign of wisdom.

i do, however, think it’s amazing that a biracial man will be our president. i think it does nothing but good to have someone who represents so many more of us in our nation’s highest office. it’s not why we voted for him, but it’s not something we mind.

congratulations, President Obama, and good luck.

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Vote!

• For Barack Obama and Joe Biden
• No on the Constitutional Convention in Connecticut
• For any local Green Party candidates on the ballot

then go get your free cup of coffee at Starbucks. and your free scoop of ice cream at Ben & Jerry’s. just flash that little “I Voted Today!” sticker.

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Helen calls bullshit on Elizabeth Dole

another priceless gem from Helen Philpot:

…as of today the worst person in politcs is not Sarah Palin.  It is Elizabeth Dole who ran an ad suggesting that her opponent is godless.  Nevermind that her opponent, Kay Haggan, is a Sunday school teacher and an elder in her church.  Nevermind that calling someone “Godless” leads to jets flying into skyscrapers.  Nevermind any of that.  Just follow this argument to its logical conclusion.  Quick somebody, throw Haggan into a lake and see if she floats!

read the rest at Margaret’s and Helen’s blog.

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John McCain and Sarah Palin on Socialism

From this week’s edition of the New Yorker:

During the 2000 campaign, on MSNBC’s “Hardball,” a young woman asked [McCain] why her father, a doctor, should be “penalized” by being “in a huge tax bracket.” McCain replied that “wealthy people can afford more” and that “the very wealthy, because they can afford tax lawyers and all kinds of loopholes, really don’t pay nearly as much as you think they do.” The exchange continued:

YOUNG WOMAN: Are we getting closer and closer to, like, socialism and stuff?. . .
MCCAIN: Here’s what I really believe: That when you reach a certain level of comfort, there’s nothing wrong with paying somewhat more.

….

A few weeks before [Palin] was nominated for Vice-President, she told a visiting journalist—Philip Gourevitch, of this magazine—that “we’re set up, unlike other states in the union, where it’s collectively Alaskans own the resources. So we share in the wealth when the development of these resources occurs.”

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ISSUES! John McCain and Barack Obama on Foreign Policy

This is part of a greater effort to be better informed about the actual issues of this presidential election. Check out this post for background.

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The selection of this issue as next was inspired by my mom, whose vote I’m trying to cajole. When I sent her an email about taxes and the middle class, she responded with this:

Very interesting. It looks great on paper. I especially agree about the tax breaks for companies keeping jobs in the USA. I’m really interested in his foreign policy. What can you show me on that?

This is for you, mom.

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I’m starting to realize that you can’t break down intensely complicated issues into one readable post. So on this one, I would strongly encourage you to visit the links and read all you can.

What Their Websites Say: (Again, I’m not even going to try to summarize what each candidate’s web site says about the issue, but I will give you the links for you to explore.)

McCain: His website does not feature a “Foreign Policy” option on his Issues page. His views on the matter are summarized under “National Security” and “Iraq”.

Key Ideas under “National Security”:

• A Strong Military in a Dangerous World
• Fighting Against Violent Islamic Extremists and Terrorist Tactics
• Effective Missile Defense
• Increasing the size of the American Military
• Modernizing the Armed Services
• Smarter Defense Spending

Key Ideas under “Iraq”:

• John McCain believes it is strategically and morally essential for the United States to support the Government of Iraq to become capable of governing itself and safeguarding its people.
• The best way to secure long-term peace and security is to establish a stable, prosperous, and democratic state in Iraq that poses no threat to its neighbors and contributes to the defeat of terrorists. When Iraqi forces can safeguard their own country, American troops can return home.
• Support the Successful Counterinsurgency Strategy (i.e. the “Surge”)
• Push for Political Reconciliation and Good Government by: 1) Creating jobs for Iraqis in security services and, 2) supporting free and secure elections
• Get Iraq’s Economy Back on its Feet
• Call for International Pressure on Syria and Iran

Obama:

• Ending the War in Iraq
• Iran
• Renewing American Diplomacy
• Nuclear Weapons
• Bipartisanship and Openness
• On Israel
• Meeting the Challenge of a Resurgent Russia
• On Africa
• On Latin America & the Caribbean

What The Media Says:

New Yorker on both candidates: John McCain talks about new kinds of threat sometimes, too, but his views on foreign policy are completely different from Obama’s, in tone and in substance. McCain’s chief focus is on great powers, and on the all-importance of maintaining American military and political primacy in the world. There is a lot at stake in foreign policy in this campaign. The next President will have two wars to pursue, one in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. McCain has said he believes both countries “can in time become pillars of stability, tolerance, and democracy,” as long as America commits military and economic resources to them. Obama wants to draw down U.S. forces in Iraq and focus on Afghanistan, and he tends to define the war there more in terms of the threat of terrorism than of the opportunity to establish a model democracy….Whoever wins the election may have a chance to do something larger: propose a new defining idea for American foreign policy. For McCain, a history buff who loves to talk about America’s glorious military and diplomatic triumphs, the question has been whether he would be viewed as someone who understands how the world has changed. For Obama, the question is whether he can successfully keep the focus on his new ideas…
[This is a very excellent (though incredibly long) article, by the way. It thoroughly examines both of the candidates' ideas and personality and how they relate to big picture foreign policy issues.]

The Independent Institute on McCain: Both Bush and McCain have macho tendencies and that’s what al-Qaeda brutally exploits. It is standard practice for weak actors, such as terrorist groups and guerillas, to bait the stronger party by attacking and then hope for excessive retaliation. Such overreaction makes it easier for such groups to garner more money and recruits for their causes and also to overextend the giant.

The same article on Obama: If Bush fell into al-Qaeda’s trap from the right, however, Obama, if elected, could very well fall into it from the left. Muscular liberals often think that their foreign policy is very different from Bush’s neo-conservative fare, but it often gets us to the same place—in al-Qaeda’s crosshairs. Such liberals tend to use military power for “humanitarian” reasons. Even when such interventions don’t have ulterior motives—which, as in Bosnia, Kosovo, and Haiti, they almost always do—they often make somebody very mad.

New York Times on both candidates: An American president who keeps troops in Iraq indefinitely, fulminates about Islamic terrorism, inclines toward military solutions and antagonizes other nations is an excellent recruiting tool. In contrast, an African-American president with a Muslim grandfather and a penchant for building bridges rather than blowing them up would give Al Qaeda recruiters fits.

The News Chief (Winter Haven, Fla.) on Obama: On foreign policy, Obama has weak credentials. His Senate votes for hasty and unwise U.S. troop withdrawals from Iraq and talk about meeting leaders of enemy nations without preconditions indicate an unsettling naiveté about the dangers America faces from abroad and about our enemies’ true intentions.

The same article on McCain: A former U.S. Navy pilot and former prisoner of war in Vietnam, McCain would make a fine commander-in-chief. He consistently has supported the military during his long Senate career, but he also has fought against wasteful defense spending and expensive and unnecessary defense systems. He understands the needs of the U.S. military and how best to protect U.S. national security and security interests around the globe. He consistently fought for more boots on the ground in Iraq and finally got what he wanted through the U.S. troop “surge.”

[Obviously, there are many, many more articles about the candidates on this topic, but I thought the segments above basically summarize the general ideas and arguments. Feel free to suggest others!]

Voting Records in the U.S. Senate:

John McCain
Defense
Foreign Aid and Policy Issues
Military Issues
National Security Issues

Barack Obama
Defense
Foreign Aid and Policy Issues
Military Issues
National Security Issues

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